As I sit here and recount the past few years of my life, I can truly say I am blessed to be alive and most important, still in my right mind. Throughout this past Sunday's church service, I was privy to an inner highlight (and some lowlight) reel of events I had encountered in my most recent past. I won't go into the specifics but it's safe to say that there are some major lessons I have learned from them all.
There is one lesson of which I have learned that sticks out from them all. In my opinion, it is part of an epidemic that has been running amuck for centuries and even millenniums. I look at this "disease" as to having the same effect on our spirits that carbon monoxide has on our physical bodies. The danger of carbon monoxide is the fact that it can be present in a room and you don't even know it. As a result, you will fall into a deep sleep and consequently, slip into death...
The ailment I am alluding to is unforgiveness. Even as I type the word, it's coming across as an error. In my mind I believe that's because it's a word that should not even be present in our vernacular. Here are a few definitions of the term...
Forgiveness
1. to grant pardon for or remission (an offense, debt, etc.), absolve
2. to cease to feel resentment against
3. to cancel an indebtedness or liability
As we continue to reflect on this term, I'm discovering that the easiest thing to do in a situation where forgiveness is an option is assume the role as a victim. Whenever we do that, we in turn are transferring power to the individual(s) who have wronged us. As a result, we are not able to operate in any level near full capacity because so much of the virtue we need has evaporated.
I can recount several instances of my life where I have been hurt to the absolute core. There's some unmentionable things I have had to endure and they have in the past caused me to slip into depression, of which I still find myself in constant battle. I also acknowledge the role my decisions have played into being in the situations that brought about some of those things. This brings me to the two most important areas of forgiveness...
Forgiving others:
As I previously stated, harboring unforgiveness in us does nothing but give the power to that person who hurt us. I am quite sure there are many instances that while we are up all night pissed at a certain individual, stressed at the point of not being able to lay down without shaking, they are fast asleep and probably even have slobber coming from their mouths. Some years back, I used always tell the youth in my Sunday School class to not allow anyone to become your puppet master, and that applies here.
The craziest thing to me is the fact that many times while we are absolutely ticked at them, they aren't even thinking about us, nor do they even remember the offense against you. I have discovered that forgiveness is not for them, but for you to be free. Once again, it comes back to the invisible gas that is present, which in turn is slowly killing you. Unforgiveness has a negative impact on our physical health as well. It's time for us all to go through an intense emotional detox so we can release these poisons within us and move forward.
Forgiving yourself:
This is the area where I have had to grow the most. I am very quick to forgive others, but have the toughest time forgiving myself. I have made some of the DUMBEST decisions in my lifetime and have gotten myself in quite a few regrettable situations. Yet, in order for me to reach the next level, I have had to learn to forgive myself.
The previous blog talked about "Friendly Fire" and how we can be so tough on ourselves and as a result commit internal suicide. There's nothing that you have done that is so bad that you cannot be forgiven for. It's times like this where we need TRUE friends and family, of whom we can turn to the most. I am blessed with a few close friends who I can be transparent with and they will tell me the absolute truth about myself. Yet, at the end of the day, the final verdict remain with me.
All in all, as much as many of us want to claim independence and a great measure, we cannot truly obtain it while harboring these feelings of unforgiveness in us. Unforgiveness is the seed that brings about feelings such as hatred, bitterness, envy, spite, etc. As much as we profess things such as "F*** all my haters..." and so much other nonsense, take the time to look within and see if you are in fact your biggest hater.
This is a journey we are all on, yet we must come to an understanding of how to learn from the past mistakes and enjoy this ride!
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