Deviation from Aviation

Deviate

• to turn aside, as from a route, way, course, etc.
• to depart or swerve, as from a procedure, course of action, or acceptable norm.
• to digress, as from a line of thought or reasoning. 

Aviation 

• the design, development, production, operation and use of aircraft, especially heavier-than-air aircraft. 

Flight

• a scheduled trip by way of airplane
• a soaring above or transcending ordinary bounds

Just the other day, I had to go to Pittsburgh International Airport to get my grandmother after her weeklong trip to Florida had concluded.  As I was driving on the turnpike, I couldn't help but think about a previous experience I had on that very road. I can recall being about 14 or 15 years old when one of my cousins had to drive me to that very airport.  The scenario was basically my grandparents had to drive down to Florida for a revival my grandfather was preaching for.  I had to stay behind due to a mandated school activity that I just could not afford to miss.  I had to get to Florida and I was not old enough to drive yet, so that meant I had to catch a flight down there. 

As my cousin and I drove to the airport, she could see that I was visibly shaking nonstop.  I had been on a plane several times, but never had I flown by myself.   I had to go from Pittsburgh to Charlotte, NC. Then from Charlotte to Ft. Lauderdale, FL.  What happens if I miss the connecting flight? What about if I get on the airplane and I have extreme ear aches like previous times and Grandma's not there to soothe the pain? I'm still a kid so it's not too far-fetched to wonder what if someone tries to kidnap me or even worse... As all of these thoughts (and many more) are running through my head, my cousin grabbed my hand and told me this: 

"If you don't ever remember anything else I tell you, remember this.  Anytime you are very nervous, just keep reciting the 23rd Psalm to yourself over and over and over, and watch the nervousness leave."

The more I began to say these beloved words, I can recall a peace coming over me that I cannot even begin to explain.  All the tension and anxiety left my body, and I hugged my cousin goodbye, I ended up walking into the airport with my chest out a little and had amazing flights to my destination.  

Many times, whenever we want to soar and achieve things on a high level, there are things that are keeping us low.  The main culprit of our lack of elevation tend to be the words "What if...?"I know in my own personal life, there are so many dreams and goals I have, yet what is it that's truly keeping me from reaching them?  Yes, there are circumstances beyond my control that have come up.  Are there people who have sabotaged certain areas of my life in order to hold me back? No doubt that's been the case in several instances.  Yet, it has been my fault for giving people and circumstances the authority to dictate the direction of my life. 

As for whoever is reading this.  It's time out for us blaming everyone else for the position we are in, when in fact we possess the power to bring ourselves out of it.  Here's a story of an observation I had with a good friend of mine and her dog.

Whenever it was time for the dog to go to sleep or what have you, she would put him in his cage and leave the door unlocked.  He would bark and beg to be set free but pretty much all he had to do was push the door just a little bit and it would be open, resulting in his freedom. 

The same holds true for us.  You've been bound for so long but this is the season where all you have to do is push forward just a little bit further, which will result in you being free. Things like anxiety, depression, debt, family/relationship issues, and other restraining vices are nothing but a cage we tend to place ourselves in.  We are waiting for someone to come with the key (magic solution) to set us free, when in fact the entire time, we have possessed the power within ourselves.

All in all, whenever we do tend to stray away, we have a good Shepherd who doesn't mind cracking us over the head with the rod and staff to get us back where we need to be.  We get ourselves into immediate danger only when we decide to go our own course versus just following His.  Today is the day to be free from those things that are continually keeping you from flight.  You may have to drop some unnecessary weight (friends, some family, addictions, etc.) in order to get your plane off of the ground.  

I am on the runway right now and I don't intend on slowing down for anyone.  As long as the good Lord Himself is the pilot, I won't have anything to worry about.  One thing about Him is He'll never lock you out of the cockpit. Anytime you want to take the reins, He'll oblige but I for one am done trying to do things on my own anymore.  I look forward to the journey that's ahead and reaching newer and higher heights day after day. Stay tuned, the best is yet to come for all of us.

Fall Risk

Fall -

• to drop of descend under the force of gravity, as to a lower place through loss or lack of support
• to come or drop down suddenly to a lower position
• to succumb to temptation or sin, especially to become unchaste or to lose one's innocence
• to collapse, as through weakness, damage, poor construction, or the like, topple or sink

 

Risk -

• exposure to the chance of injury or loss
• the hazard or chance of loss
• (origin) Riscare - latin word meaning "run into danger"

 

It has been a little while since I have last posted on this blog.  I had no idea how prophetic the previous post (Needing a Kneading) would be in regards to what would come my way in the following days.  I can honestly say I have been stretched and tried to the point I don't know if I can possibly bend anymore.  I won't go into details as to what has been going on in my life, but just know that I am truly learning so much and aiming to gain wisdom from each experience.

 

I saw the above picture on someone's Facebook page a few days ago and it caused me to think on a few things.  I can remember when my late grandfather would be in the hospital, he was tagged as "Fall Risk" and needed special care/attention.  I can recall that he was not permitted to walk or move anywhere without supervision of one of the healthcare professionals.  Below is a brief description of some of the factors that lead to one being considered "Fall Risk"

 

(Source: cdc.gov)

 

As much as I would love to do them all, there are just a few of the points I want to expound upon that we can apply to our own lives.  I know for a fact that some of them have applied to me in the past and I look forward to reversing this trend in my own life!

 

Poor Vision:

 

Scripture illustrates to us that "without a vision, the people perish."  How far are you able to see ahead of your life?  Do you have a plan in place for the next 5 years, or are you just trying to decipher how you are going to make it to tomorrow?  It's amazing how life's circumstances can come to distract us from what we have been purposed on this earth to do.  Whether it's a car breaking down on you out of nowhere, bills galore, phone accidently falling in the toilet resulting in no mobile cellular service for the forseeable future, or just the most absolute flukish things happening, (yup, that basically describes the last month or so for your boy lol) you have the ability to see past that.

 

Before a horse race, they are equipped with blinders to help them not concentrate on anything except for that which is in front of them.  In life we have to put on our own blinders to all the dumb stuff that tend to happen and stay focused on what's ahead of us, regardless of what comes our way.

 

Difficulties with Gait and Balance:

 

Gait is basically a manner of walking, stepping or running.  Many of us lack true balance in our lives and that can also lead to us falling.  I know for a fact my lack of the ability to balance things in my life caused me to lose out on so much the last few years.  I feel we are all created with the innate desire to want to be everywhere at the same time. Yet, we sometimes have to be humbled in order to come to the mortal conclusion that we are human and there are limits to what we are able to do all at once. 

 

Home Hazards

 

Many of us are at risk of falling because we don't have things in order within our own homes.  That can be your actual household, relationship or even the unhealthy friendships we all tend to enter here and there.  One has to come to the place in their life where if someone is not helping them reach their purpose and destiny, there's no further reason for that individual to be in their life. Some of our relationships are the thing that's weighing us down and keeping us from the great things that are in store for us.

 

Postural Dizziness

 

When was the last time that you actually stood firm for what you believed in?  A lot of us claim that we feel a certain way about something or promise ourselves that we will never end up in the same situation again, yet we end up falling again.  We have to find the inner strength and gumption to stand tall on what we believe and not waver to the left or the right.  Unless a house is built on a solid foundation, it will fall whenever a storm come.  During a hurricane, which is more likely to survive? A Christmas tree or a palm tree?  The palm tree may bend, but it will not break.  Whereas the Christmas tree will be blown away, along with its' many decorations.  Too many of us are too consumed on how we appear to others, but lack taking time to establish the roots beneath us to help us survive everything that comes our way. 

 

In closing, I am tired of falling and have made it a personal goal to never be in this situation again.  I welcome whomever is in a similar situation right now to do the same thing.  Our lives and sanity truly depend on it.  I am faithful that the victory ahead of us will make everything that we've gone through so worth it.  Yes, many of our hardships may be from our own knuckleheaded decisions, but we have the ability to bounce back and move foward.  You may have fallen down and feel there's no hope for tomorrow, but get up and get back into the fight.  There are so many people depending on you to fulfill your purpose!  This is a season of restoration and rebuilding for so many of us.  However, it's not going to come to full fruition without a fight.  I am willing to fight back, who's with me?

 

Needing a Kneading

Need

1. a requirement, necessary duty, or obligation
2. a lack of something wanted or deemed necessary
3. a necessity arising from the circumstances of a situation or case 

Knead

1. to work (dough, clay, etc.) into a uniform mixture by pressing, folding and stretching
2. to manipulate by similar movements, as the body in a massage

I don't know about anyone else, but life has a peculiar way of absolutely humbling us.  I can honestly say my life has been quite the journey over the past few years.  From losing basically everything, to enduring the literal fight for survival, it can be said I have overcome a lot.  I am aware that there are people out there who may have it much more worse than I, and it's for that reason I do my best not to ever complain.

If we are completely honest, we have all come to that crucial stage where we ask ourselves or "What the .... else can possibly happen?" I know I asked myself that question within the past several days, and yet I ended up coming to one conclusion......There has to be a purpose for all the trials that we go through! Yes, there are times that seems like the easiest answer to give when someone is going through, but there has to be some level of truth to it right?  Then a certain revelation came to me.....While I was concerned about what I felt I needed, I was in the process of actually being kneaded!

The video below explains in great detail the "kneading" process...

Here are the main highlights:

• The purpose of it is to mix the necessary ingredients (flour and water) in order to add strength to the final product.  
• The process warms and stretches the dough, which in turn causes it to become springy and elastic.  If it's not stretched enough, it will not be able to hold the gasses and particles caused by the yeast.  If this takes place, the dough will collapse, leaving it heavy, dense and it's basically useless.
• At the conclusion of the kneading process is when yeast is applied, which is when the dough can begin to RISE (the technical term is "prove")
• Once the dough has been proved, it still has to endure another process where it's knocked and punched down, which removes any large air pockets which have formed in the dough.  The way to tell if the dough has been finished is when you are able to poke it and the texture bounces back to its' original form.

Life has a way of putting us through a similar process.  So many of us know what it is to have been seemingly tossed all over the place.  We have experienced being emotionally punched and dragged all over the place.  When it comes to our finances, we may have been knocked and punched down and left in a state where things look bleak.  It could even be sickness in our bodies and the doctors giving us a not-so-good prognosis.  Yet there is a method behind all of the madness.  We cannot truly RISE until we have experienced the entire process.

I don't know who this is for, but please don't give up during this fight of and for your life.  You may be wanting to know why this all is happening to you and when it will be all over, but we must recognized this process is necessary.  We truly need to be kneaded so that everything that shouldn't be in us is able to leave, which in turn will cause us to be in the position to rise. 

One of the most powerful aspects of this is that you will finally get to the point where when you are punched or poked and will be able to bounce back from it.  You thought you were strong before, but life has away of revealing our true strength.  Just like lifting weights, in order for our muscles to increase strength, they must be stretched to their furthest limits.  

Similarly, kneading takes place when one receives a massage on a region of the body.  When one does the kneading process on the muscles, it releases the toxins and everything that's within them.  They say the best sign to know you have received a great massage is if you have to use the restroom.  Life also has a way of kneading out the things that are causing harm to us.  

This is definitely the season where you will bounce back and in turn be able to conquer those things that at one time held you down.  Even when you were at your lowest point, that was only the beginning of one of the greatest comebacks known to mankind!

Finally, once the kneading and every other test has taken place, the dough is then placed in a hot oven.  Every instance someone lie on you, treat you like a pure dog, or do any other manner of evil against you, do not shrink into the role of a victim.  Just keep enduring the heat because it's only after then you will come out as a pure and perfect product.  I believe in you and your ability to overcome any obstacle set in your way.

Love's Manifesto

Love
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person
a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child or friend. 

Manifesto
a public declaration of intentions, opinions, objectives, or motives, as one issued by a government, sovereign, or organization

From the moment we were conceived, we have been involved in the ultimate fight of our lives.  Millions of sperm cells rapidly escaped your father's loins, with you being the strongest one...yet for what purpose?  Included in the first moments you were in your mother's womb and the initial moment she held you in her arms arms was an ardent desire to feel this great phenomenon that you just can not escape.  From our adolescent and impressionable teenage years to whatever point of adulthood we now face, we have been in this one fight that we will never avoid......To be loved

*cue Prince Akeem singing "To be loved" after his first date with Lisa (Coming to America reference)*

I can recall this one specific day in the 2nd grade that I will never forget.  I was sitting there doing the assignment and eating a sprinkled donut, which was rewarded to us for good behavior.  I received a tap on my shoulder and was subsequently handed a note.  I was given a note from this young lady (who shall remain nameless...shoot she may be reading this) who at that time was the cutest girl I had ever seen in my life.  I opened the note and it read something to the effect of this:

I can recall the temporary state of paralysis that had overtaken my entire being.  My school work looked like it was written in Chinese, while my teacher and the subsequent chatter surrounding me sounded the adults Charlie Brown's (Peanuts) instructor.  What was this feeling I was experiencing?  How in the world was this girl able to just shut down my entire world with one note? I remember keeping the note for a little while, but to this day, I never really answered her.

That was my first experience where I found myself desiring the affection of someone who was outside of my family.  From that point forward, I found myself trying to gain some measure of acceptance from my peers.  I was always the oddball of the group and never was really viewed as one of the cool kids.  As the years went by, I stopped showing interest in various girls because my offers always got shot down.

Move forward to April 4, 2000 @ 11:58 a.m. (EST) when I made the most life-impacting decision in my history (at that point) and decided to give into my innermost carnal desires.  With her and the numerous women that followed thereafter, I was still in a constant search for that one thing...My interesting dating history and eventual marital experience all revolved in a feverous search of a treasure I just seem to have not been able to discover yet...

There's no doubt in my mind that we all desire to be loved, but yet what happens when we fall victim to being held captive by that desire?  I am willing to bet that some of the absolute WORST decisions that have been made in many of our lives was because of the fervent desire to be loved.

Love has the tendency to hold us within the prison cell of our hearts, while offering up our morals and standards as a ransom.  I can recall instances in my life where I did some things I said I would never do all in the name of being accepted.  But how do we break free?

This is one instance where I really do not have the specific answer, but I am just going to throw some things out there that may work:

1. You must first love yourself

What sense does it make to attempt giving someone our all, when we can't even stand the very sight of our own reflection?  This is probably the one attribute that has impaired my past relationships.  I think it's virtually impossible to love someone else while possessing turmoil within us.  We are only deceiving ourselves.

2. Don't be so quick to "fall in love" 

My grandfather taught me years back to never fall in love.  He said that whenever someone falls, they end up getting hurt.  I look at it as when we fall, we have no control of where we land or even the level of impact we will make with the spot we land on.  I feel we have to learn how to truly walk in love and be mature while doing so.

3. Love is not blind

I'm sure many of us can recall an experience where we entered into a serious relationship with someone we barely knew and professed it as being love.  Neurobiological studies show that the passion of love create feelings of euphoria and exhilaration.  It further states that the areas that are activated in response to romantic feelings coincide with the areas of the brain associated with reward, desire, addiction and once again euphoric states.  It's the release of dopamine that puts us in that feel-good state (this is where the term "dope" comes from, since cocaine contain high levels of dopamine and has that very effect on the body)

Love has to become more than just a momentary fix, but rather an intentional and intelligent decision that's made.  Love is truly a person that has to continually be nurtured and matured in our lives.  When love is present while lacking knowledge and maturity, that's when it becomes lust.  Lust goes deeper than just desiring sex.  It's mainly a passionate or overwhelming desire or craving.  Most of the time, many people lust for acceptance and attention and love is just the way they disguise it.

4.  Love is intentional 

I've learned the hard way that love takes time and effort into making it grow.  My grandmother taught me that love and marriage is not a vacation, but rather a vocation.  We really have to work towards truly nurturing and cultivating our relationships.  The same hold true with our friendships.  We have to grow past the point where we love in just word, but our deeds have to match as well.  Consistency is the best determinant as to if someone truly loves you unconditionally.

5.  Love is not controlling

There are many who have been in relationships where one of the parties have tried to have full control over the other.  From patrolling the messages that are in one's phone, to monitoring every single post that comes across their Facebook page, to having full control and autonomy over the friends that you are "allowed" to have.  I am not sure who would want to live in a prison like that.  There has to be true trust and respect involved to the level that all the person's fears can be alleviated.  If manipulation and blackmail are staples in your relationship, that cannot be healthy at all for you.  If great sex is all your partner can offer, or if that is what they primarily use to influence you and your decisions, is that really healthy for you?

My name is not Tony Gaskins and I am far from a relationship expert.  However, I am one who believes in having another opportunity to get it right.  This is probably the hardest subject matter I have been able to write about because I am still trying to find out what all entails properly going on this journey.  I'm excited about the prospects of love in the future.  Am I ready for love?  I think so, yet there are so many more opportunities I need to grow first.  I think we all can honestly say the same thing in so many areas of our own lives....

Feel free to share your thoughts below, for I definitely need feedback on this topic.

Irreconciliable Differences

As I sit here and write this, I am literally counting down the end to my 31st year of life.  It's safe to say that this has literally been the worst 365-day interval my life has ever experienced.  I won't go into details because it would be a waste of time to even recount the various instances where heartbreak and broken promises seemingly became a daily norm.  I am not one who enjoy being the guest-of-honor at pity parties, and this will definitely not be one of those posts where the entire "Woe is me" phenomenon takes place...It's actually quite the opposite.

The tears of utter frustration and the bitter feeling of failure seemingly just tried to overwhelm me.  Yet, I was able to fight back and not succumb to them.  I think we are oftentimes stuck in a gap of time where we are not sure what exact state is.  It's the battle of who we know we are versus what our current conditions are...

Perception (Perceive) 

• to become aware of, know, or identify by means of the senses
• to recognize, discern, envision or understand.

Reality 

• something that exists independently of ideas concerning it, and of all other things from which they derive

I look at Perception and Reality in terms of a married couple within us.  For sake of argument and my own interpretation, we will cast perception in the female sense and reality as a male...  

Perception deals more with the mental interpretation of who you are and whatever circumstance you are in.  Reality deals with the facts that are laid out before us in black and white.  

Perception is the defense lawyer in the courtroom who relies on circumstantial evidence in an attempt to ensure their client's acquittal.  Reality is the prosecutor, who has bags and bags of evidence laid out on the table, along with various charts attempting to prove your guilt.

The question in my mind is what happens when both sides are actually correct?  Here's the evidence in my own life (I don't mind being transparent).

I am perceived to be bright, intelligent, gifted in various aspects, well-spoken, respectful towards everyone around me, and so giving to the point where I've set back my own life in order to ensure someone else made it through a difficult situation...

Reality states that I've been struggling to find a good sufficient and sustaining career path, I do not have a degree, I've lost just about everything that was precious to me, I'm living with family until I get back on my feet, a non-ending fight with depression, a fear of rejection...and the list goes on.

In my mind, the fact of the matter is Mr. Reality and Mrs. Perception are once again both correct.  But as you can see there are so many differences in opinion.  The easiest thing is to let them go their separate ways and file for emotional and internal divorce, but we cannot let that happen.  The question is how can we remarry the two so that the individual isn't left in limbo and being pulled in two separate directions.  Why place ourselves in a position to need cognitive child support...These are differences that can in fact be reconciled to help one fulfill the purpose in their life.

To me, the answer is to simply take absolute control of your life.  That begins with taking full responsibility for all past transgressions and bad decisions (versus blaming everyone else) and like the previous post ("What That Mouth Do") illustrated, continually speak positive things into yourself.  I believe that we can sometimes make our internal battle much larger than it actually has to be.  If we are not careful we can either allow ourselves to fall into an unnecessary abyss when things aren't going so well.  Conversely, we can allow ourselves to fall into a false sense of security when things are seemingly going right.

Proper prospective is everything.  Things are not as bad as they may seem.  You are more than likely more close to breaking through than you really realize.  Why turn back now?  You've come too far to give up.  Keep hacking at your dreams...Hell, keep dreaming!  At the same time, have a plan in place to make ensure your dreams in fact become reality.  One thing about perception and reality is that we have the ability to change both!

Oh by the way, it's my birthday now!  What better day to start rekindling the fire than today? 

What That Mouth Do?

Here are some interesting facts about the mouth:

• The average person in western civilization eats up to 50 tons of food and drink 11,000 gallons of liquid during their lifetime.
• It takes food an average of seven seconds to go from the mouth to the stomach
• A sneeze zooms out of your mouth at over 100 mph
• The mouth contains various objects such as your teeth, uvula (the dangling thing at the back of your throat) and the palate (roof of the mouth)
• Three pairs of salivary glands are in your mouth.  They are responsible for putting saliva in your mouth.  That helps to lubricate your food, as well as contain the enzymes that break down your food before they get to your stomach.
• Humans have unique tongue prints, just like we all have different fingerprints.
• Relative to its size, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, and it is also the only muscle that is attached on only one end.    (source: softschools.com) 

Now I know quite a few of my peers saw the original subject and their minds possibly went to a certain place.  I may even get a few raised eyebrows by even the very thought of it, but hey, I'm grown! As amazing as some good ol' fashioned "WTMD" is, I want to concentrate on the opposite end of the spectrum and concentrate more on what I have determined is the the ultimate weapon of mass destruction....Our words

If we all knew how powerful our words were, we would be more careful and selective in what we would allow to escape our mouths.  I am quite sure many of us have fallen victim to some of the most cruel words in the human language.  I know I have.  Growing up, I was always picked on for being the skinny kid with the big head.  The kids in school said the only reason I was smart was because I had extra room in the back of my head for my brain.  

In a book entitled "Words Can Change Your Brain" (written by Dr. Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman), they write the following:

"A single word has the power to influence the expression of genes that regulate physical and emotional stress."

They say that positive words, such as "peace" and "love" can alter the expression of genes, strengthening areas in our frontal lobes and promoting the brain's cognitive functioning.  However, hostile language can disrupt specific genes that play a key part in the production of neurochemicals that protect us from stress.  We as humans are hardwired to worry because an integral part of our brain's function is to protect us from any threat to our survival.

However, a single negative word can increase the activity in our amygdala (the fear center of the brain). This releases dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters, which in turn interrupt our brain's functioning.  Newberg and Waldman further writes that "Angry words send alarm messages through the brain, and they partially shut down the logic-and-reasoning centers located in the frontal lobes."

Below is what they contend as to how using the right words can transform our reality...

"By holding a positive and optimistic [word] in your mind, you stimulate frontal lobe activity.  This area includes specific language centers that connect directly to the motor cortex responsible for moving you into action.  And as our research has shown, the longer you concentrate on positive words, the more you begin to affect other areas of the brain. Functions in the parietal lobe start to change, which changes your perception of yourself and the people you interact with.   

A positive view of yourself will bias you toward seeing the good in others, whereas a negative self-image will include you toward suspicion and doubt.  Over time the structure of your thalamus will also change in response to your conscious words, thoughts and feelings, and we believe that the thalamic changes affect the way in which you perceive reality."

(Source: psychcentral.com)

So for those who didn't feel like reading everything above (lol), here is a brief synopsis of what we have learned so far...

• Relative to its size, the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body
• Humans have unique tongue prints, just like we have different fingerprints.
• One single word has the power to influence the genes that regulate physical and emotional stress.
• How you view yourself is reflected in the way you look at and treat others

The reason why so many of us are stressed out and miserable is because of the words that we choose to focus on.  In the world of social media, it is quite common to see some of the most venomous interactions between people.  In our own personal lives, we have the tendency to beat our inner man/woman down, versus encouraging and lifting ourselves up.  It's powerful how just ONE WORD is able to dictate your entire mood and focus.  ONE WORD...just let that sink in a little.

How are you using your words?  What are your conversations like with other people?  Are you an expert at building people up?  Or are you an absolute wizard at tearing them down?  The reason why many people have the ability to tear people down so easily is because they themselves are so miserable within.  The kids who picked on my big head and skinny body were trying to mask their own insufficiencies and chose to focus on what they saw as shortcomings. 

Let us be more mindful of the words that we allow to escape our lips.  The attempt of taking back our words is just as hard and meaningless as trying to put toothpaste back in its original tube.  

Our ultimate healing will happen within ourselves.  If it seems like nothing is going right, you may have to look at how you view yourself.  We are all at an age where what anyone thinks about us should be the furthest thing we should be concerned about.  Walk in front of the mirror and just speak positive things into your own life.  

You are smart...you are beautiful...there is nobody on this earth who can be you better than you can...You will be successful...You are a walking and breathing millionaire...You don't have to be second-place to anyone or anything...

You've got this...just keep speaking it!

A Breathing Epitaph

Epitaph:

1. a brief poem or other writing in praise of a deceased person.  

2. a commemorative inscription on a tomb or mortuary monument about a person buried at that sight.

Over the course of the past few days, I have really been more to myself and thinking about this roller coaster ride we have identified as "LIFE."  I am a few days away from turning 32 years old (2/12/1983) and this has really been a season of introspection for me.  It's safe to say I experienced possibly the worst year of my entire existence. I have been fighting steadily being disappointed in various areas, along with still trying to catch the wave of momentum that's really going to carry me through to the next level.  I find myself wondering why I am still alive and why the good Lord above has not wiped me off the map yet.  I also realize how fragile life is and how we can never take our next breath for granted.

In my hometown of Youngstown, Ohio, we have become so desensitized when it comes to death, mainly because it's been so prevalent and frequent amongst us.  I can personally admit I used to only watch the news to see if anyone got killed that particular day.  It is my understanding that we even lost yet another young black man to gun violence this past weekend. 

I've been reflecting on how this past weekend, approximately 4 years ago, I lost a good friend of mine to unnecessary gun violence.  The young man was on course to graduate from college and was the furthest thing from what people identify as a "thug."  I had just spoken to him the day prior, as he was volunteering mentoring young men at the school I worked at.  I remember the huge smile on his face when I gave him dap and told him "Bro I'm just trying to be like you when I grow up!" I had no idea that it would be the last time I would ever speak to him, as he got brutally murdered at an off-campus party for basically doing his best to be a peacemaker.

I also reflected on my own life and the people who have made the most powerful and positive impact throughout my existence.  I have found myself wondering what my deceased grandfather would truly think about me right now if he were still with us.  I sometimes feel like a disappointment due to all the gifts and unfilled potential within me.  However, at the same time, I know that I still have a long life in front of me and a legacy that I still have time to leave on this earth.  So this just brings me to a critical question we all seemingly ask ourselves...

Have you ever just sat down and thought to yourself "Why am I even here?"  Do you know what your life's true purpose?  Are you truly living, or are you just merely a breathing organism taking up space and oxygen?  When you die, what will your legacy be?  Will you even have one?

Some may call it weird, but there are days where I find myself reading the various obituaries that are posted on the local newspaper's website.  Most of the time, these are people I have never met or nonetheless even heard of, but I'm always anxious to see what mark they left here on the earth.  There are some listings that take up an entire column, while there are others who may be a short paragraph.

What I have grown to learn is the fact that we are daily, if not hourly placing a pen to our life's story and biography.  I personally refuse for my life to be summarized in just two sentences.  Am I truly being effective in this life I have been gifted?  Are lives being positively impacted from them coming in contact with me?

It has been commonly said that the various graveyards/cemeteries are amongst the richest soil on the earth.  Not so much because of their property value, but because so many people have died with their gifts still within them.  I know for a fact that whenever my time comes to leave this earth, I want to die empty.  I want to be assured that I have given absolutely everything I have.  One of my friends terms it as "leaving a dent in the earth." 

Too many care about how other people feel about them, but the question should actually be what does your life say about you?  You may not know this, but there are people who are reading your Epitaph everyday.  My grandfather used to always say that "your actions are speaking so loud, I cannot hear a word that you're saying." 

As unfair as it may seem, you may be the one who they are leaning on for a source of light and hope.  By you not giving up, you just may be saving someone from succumbing to suicidal thoughts.  By getting yourself back up after being knocked down, you may be giving hope to someone who find themselves in a similar fight.  You walking with your chest out and head held high (even when you feel like you just swallowed a hand grenade that has gone off within you)  just may give someone the assurance that they can make it to.

Let us all be more mindful of the message our individual lives are sending.  With the right mindset, we will never take life for granted again.  It's truly the most precious gift that we are only privy to one time...

Starving the Beast WIthin

On last evening, I was watching Super Bowl XLIX with my family all crowded into the living room.  Most of us thought the game was over when Seattle was up 10 points in the 4th quarter, only to have the golden boy himself, Tom Brady, bring the Patriots back and take the lead.  Let's fast forward to the apex of the entire game.  The Seahawks had driven down to inside of the 1 yd line with 20 seconds remaining and 3 potential chances to score the game-winning touchdown.  Everybody on the entire planet figured that the ball would go to Marshawn Lynch, who is one of the most rugged and physical running backs in history.  

Over the past few years he has birthed what is known as the phenomenon "Beast Mode," in part due to him being perhaps the hardest person to tackle to the ground.  It usually takes up to 2-3 defenders to bring him down because he is relentless and refuses to go down.  So instead of making the common sense decision of "feeding the beast," the Seahawks' genius coaching staff decided to inexplicably throw a pass, which ended up getting intercepted by a kid named Malcolm Butler (who overcame so many odds just to get on the field).  In the end, history and individual legacies were all decided with just ONE decision...

How many times have we made a decision and had to live with the consequential demons for the remainder of our lives?  The difference between us and the Seahawks' coaches is the fact the entire world was not privy to the absolute blunders we all have made.  Which brings us back to "Beast Mode" itself...

While so many of us were screaming at the television or on social media ripping apart the decision not to run the ball at the end, how many times do we make the mistake of feeding our innermost beast(s)? It is safe to say that there is no perfect individual alive and that we all have internal issues we are constantly dealing with that very few people will ever see.  If you don't, please stay away from me because I may infect you.  We all have those innermost demons who just seem to feed on our most unfortunate decisions and conditions.  Here are a few official definitions of a beast...

Beast 

a. the crude animal nature common to humans...

b. a cruel, coarse (harsh, vulgar, crude), filthy or otherwise beastlike person 

Whether we realize it, refuse to confront it, or just have absolutely no clue at all, we feed our inner beasts on a daily basis.  It's interesting how the term "beast" has become a term of endearment over the past few years to imply someone is very good at what they do, but that's not the original usage of the word.

The beast(s) within can include (but are not limited to) depression, low self-esteem, suicidal thoughts, anger, unforgiveness, utter hatred, filthy obsessions, strong addictions, etc.  Not only do they affect us, but they can in turn take a toll on the way we treat the people who are closest to us.  I for one find myself trusting hardly anyone when those moments come.  It's akin to a dog who has just got hit by a car...once you reach down to help him, he will bite at you out of self-defense because he is injured.  

I know in my own life, there are so many issues I have had to battle...Those closest to me know that I have dealt with depression for about the past 15 years.  There's a painful memory that I allowed to change the scope of the remainder of my life to this point.  It led to terrible decisions such as losing my virginity at a young age, being quite promiscuous while others viewed me as the consummate "church boy", delving into alcohol addiction, a pornography addiction, always seeking to be affirmed and of course trying to uphold such a ridiculously high standard before everyone else vs addressing the issues within me all because of my surname and not wanting to bring embarrassment to my family...

I have come to the point in my own life where I refuse to feed my inner "Beast Mode" any further.  Feeding him has "won" me some victories, resulting in temporary physical/mental pleasure, only for me to return back to the state I was in (sometimes even worse).  When things are starting to go bad, it's easy to curl up in a little ball like a little (female dog).  It's easy for us to blame everyone else for the condition we are in, but now is the time for true introspection so we can finally be free. 

Many of us are missing out on the big breakthrough because we would rather play the role as a victim, versus taking control of our own lives.  We have millionaire potential but cannot seem to defeat the poverty mindset.  From this point forward, we have to learn how to truly affirm and speak well of ourselves.  There's royalty in all of us that's begging to come out, but it's more "comfortable" being miserable.  But the future pity parties just got canceled and it's time to slay the beast.  

Just like Pete Carroll refused to give Marshawn Lynch the ball to win the game, we need to do the same in our own personal lives. No more Beast Mode wreaking havoc in our lives...It's time to get in our Best Mode...You were created to be great...You were created to prosper and be a blessing to others...Don't ever settle for less again!

Defying Circumstantial Evidence

Circumstantial Evidence 

Information and testimony presented by a party in a civil or criminal action that permit conclusions that indirectly establish theexistence or nonexistence of a fact or event that the party seeks to prove.

There are many instances where we feel like life has a twisted sense of humor, resulting in us being the butt of the joke.  There are many instances where it seems as if the odds are continually stacked against us.  It's during this time where it's so easy for us to allow our present condition(s) to define us.

I have been reflecting over the last couple years of my life and the journey that I have experienced. While I am blessed to be exactly two weeks away from my 32nd birthday, one question seems to remain..."What exactly have I accomplished?"

I am blessed to be a father to the two most beautiful little girls on the planet.  The Heavenly Father above saw fit to allow me to be birthed into the most amazing family that one could ever have.  I would like to think I have made a positive impact on many of those I have come in contact with.  I would venture to say I am an intelligent young man and have a bright future ahead of me.  I have several gifts and just about anything I put my full effort into ends up being a success.  Yet, at the end of the day, what do I have to show for it?

My present circumstances are attempting to define me as a waste of time and talent.  I'm man enough to admit that some of them are due to bad decisions from my past.  These conditions seek to oftentimes say that I'm just going to be another statistic of those who have underachieved. There are several instances where it seemed as if when I take one step forward, some force of nature blows up the entire staircase.

As I stated in previous entries, we all have to come to a place where we refuse to be a victim and look for the lessons within each stage in life we are in.  It is interesting how difficult seasons are required in order to humble us and make us appreciate the good times even more.  It's seemingly like the area where you think you are the strongest are the very one that gets hit the hardest.

We all have naysayers in our lives who are quick to point to the evidence in our lives in order to assume some type of control over us.  Many times, they are only attempting to mask the flaws that are occurring in their own lives.  No matter how much evidence that may have stacked against you, do not allow anyone (especially yourself) to cast a guilty verdict upon you.  There is so much greatness and promise within you.  There are lives that are waiting on you to get your life together...No matter what your present situation is, you have the ability to conquer it.  All the power you need is embedded deep within you...You can and will do this!

"I am not innocent by any means...But I am not guilty either..."

Copyright Infringement

One of the greatest and most controversial mysteries known to man is who or what was behind the conception of this great planet of which we live? In spite of whatever your individual religious or educated belief may be, there is one thing cannot be disputed.  Out of all the trillions and gazillions of people to ever walk the face of the earth, there was never evidence that there existed two identical people.  One of the most common ways of keeping record of our identities is by use of our fingerprints.  If you were to look at your hand and any of your fingertips, the design seems pretty simple.  Yet, there has never been found a case of two complete identical fingerprints. 

A few months ago, I was at my church in Youngstown, Ohio (Victory Christian Center - Liberty Campus...shoutout to Pastor Lock Beachum and my church family...miss ya'll like crazy).  We had just had our early morning service and was holding over until the 11:00 service started.  I was in the band area along with Dandrae Rodgers (our drummer) and we were discussing adjustments to the songs that were coming up.  Out of nowhere, Pastor Mike Anderson walked up to us and said something that would forever change my life...He stated the following juggernaut of a quote:

"Don't ever compare yourself to anyone else because there is nobody else who can equate to you.  Why compare yourself something that doesn't even exist in the earth?" 

Pastor Mike Anderson

I'm sure that if we were all honest with ourselves, we would be more than willing to admit that there have been times in our lives where we have felt inadequate and weren't able to measure up when it came to a certain status or task.  I know there are many times I felt as if I was not good enough for certain relationships or even various career aspirations.  

Have you ever wished you were someone else?  For a man, you see the dude with a magic smile and chiseled physique that seems like he can attract the affection of any woman he comes in contact with...  For women, you may find yourself envying the girl with the thin waist, perfect chest extremities and long beautiful hair.....

The fact remains that there is only ONE you on this earth and there was a specific purpose you were created.  Here's where we come to the above subject matter...

There are certain protections in place whenever some form of media (music, books, television broadcasts, etc.) has been created, which in turn prevent them from being duplicated or altered without the author's expressed permission. When something has been copywritten, there are penalties in place if that particular work has been infringed upon.

The same holds true with our individual lives.  During each instance we attempt to become someone else or covet their lives, we invoke penalties within us that are hard to overcome.  The greatest defeat we end up facing is the loss of our own identity.  Some of the greatest tragedies involve those who died and never was able to fulfill their full purpose and identity.

Embrace the royalty that has been implanted into you.  You were created with gifts and abilities that are unique to you and you only!  The moment you try to duplicate someone else's contribution, you're only producing a counterfeit product.  

Dare to be different.  You don't have to wear what others wear.  You don't have to look like others look.  If you are either skinny like me or huge like Precious, learn how to be comfortable in your own skin. Why live our lives predicated on the responses of others.  By doing that, we are only willingly placing upon ourselves the shackles that are identified as "public opinion." 

 For the first time in my life, I have finally arrived at this place and could care less how anyone feels about it!  By accomplishing this, you will experience the best measure of freedom that will never be able to be explained.

The Silent Assassin

As I sit here and recount the past few years of my life, I can truly say I am blessed to be alive and most important, still in my right mind.  Throughout this past Sunday's church service, I was privy to an inner highlight (and some lowlight) reel of events I had encountered in my most recent past.  I won't go into the specifics but it's safe to say that there are some major lessons I have learned from them all.

There is one lesson of which I have learned that sticks out from them all.  In my opinion, it is part of an epidemic that has been running amuck for centuries and even millenniums.  I look at this "disease" as to having the same effect on our spirits that carbon monoxide has on our physical bodies.  The danger of carbon monoxide is the fact that it can be present in a room and you don't even know it.  As a result, you will fall into a deep sleep and consequently, slip into death...

The ailment I am alluding to is unforgiveness.  Even as I type the word, it's coming across as an error.  In my mind I believe that's because it's a word that should not even be present in our vernacular.  Here are a few definitions of the term...

Forgiveness 

1. to grant pardon for or remission (an offense, debt, etc.), absolve 

2. to cease to feel resentment against 

3. to cancel an indebtedness or liability

As we continue to reflect on this term, I'm discovering that the easiest thing to do in a situation where forgiveness is an option is assume the role as a victim.  Whenever we do that, we in turn are transferring power to the individual(s) who have wronged us. As a result, we are not able to operate in any level near full capacity because so much of the virtue we need has evaporated.

I can recount several instances of my life where I have been hurt to the absolute core.  There's some unmentionable things I have had to endure and they have in the past caused me to slip into depression, of which I still find myself in constant battle.  I also acknowledge the role my decisions have played into being in the situations that brought about some of those things.  This brings me to the two most important areas of forgiveness...

Forgiving others:

As I previously stated, harboring unforgiveness in us does nothing but give the power to that person who hurt us.  I am quite sure there are many instances that while we are up all night pissed at a certain individual, stressed at the point of not being able to lay down without shaking, they are fast asleep and probably even have slobber coming from their mouths.  Some years back, I used always tell the youth in my Sunday School class to not allow anyone to become your puppet master, and that applies here.  

The craziest thing to me is the fact that many times while we are absolutely ticked at them, they aren't even thinking about us, nor do they even remember the offense against you. I  have discovered that forgiveness is not for them, but for you to be free.  Once again, it comes back to the invisible gas that is present, which in turn is slowly killing you.  Unforgiveness has a negative impact on our physical health as well.  It's time for us all to go through an intense emotional detox so we can release these poisons within us and move forward.

Forgiving yourself:

This is the area where I have had to grow the most.  I am very quick to forgive others, but have the toughest time forgiving myself.  I have made some of the DUMBEST decisions in my lifetime and have gotten myself in quite a few regrettable situations.  Yet, in order for me to reach the next level, I have had to learn to forgive myself.  

The previous blog talked about "Friendly Fire" and how we can be so tough on ourselves and as a result commit internal suicide.  There's nothing that you have done that is so bad that you cannot be forgiven for.  It's times like this where we need TRUE friends and family, of whom we can turn to the most.  I am blessed with a few close friends who I can be transparent with and they will tell me the absolute truth about myself.  Yet, at the end of the day, the final verdict remain with me.

All in all, as much as many of us want to claim independence and a great measure, we cannot truly obtain it while harboring these feelings of unforgiveness in us.  Unforgiveness is the seed that brings about feelings such as hatred, bitterness, envy, spite, etc.  As much as we profess things such as "F*** all my haters..." and so much other nonsense, take the time to look within and see if you are in fact your biggest hater.

This is a journey we are all on, yet we must come to an understanding of how to learn from the past mistakes and enjoy this ride!

Friendly Fire

"Whenever I want to have a good look at my biggest enemy, I walk in front of the mirror." 

- Rev. Dr. Ernest F. E. Rheins

In my mind, there's no greater man to have ever walked the face of this earth than my beloved Granddad/Father, the late Pastor E.F.E. Rheins.  I'll never be able to fully put into words how much it meant to have a man pour the amount of time and wisdom that he did into me.  There are so many nuggets of truth he used to always say, of which I'm sure many will be mentioned in future blogs.  As I have been reflecting over my life the past few days, this particular quote has truly stood out to me.  I never truly understood the true fullness of this phrase until I became an adult and faced real-life issues.

As I look through various posts by way of social media, listen to various conversations, or even during instances where I am an active participant in a one-on-one moment of dialogue, one thing that remains true is we (myself included) have the propensity to blame our shortcomings and faults on either the people or circumstances surrounding us.

It's very convenient to point the finger at others for the mistakes that we have made.  However, true strength is exhibited when we are able to take moments of introspection in order to find the things within us that need the most attention.  If someone has made you mad to the point where you are going off on Facebook tirades, cussing out everything/everyone including the dog, and slashing tires, there must be something within you that is so easily stirred up by feelings of anger.  

I have finally arrived to the point in my life where I am more inclined to look within when circumstances get tough, versus being so quick to deflect the attention from my own shortcomings.  However, this is where our subject matter comes into play.....

In the course of battle, we as well as those around us are forced to chose a side to fight on.  The term "friendly fire" becomes a factor whenever you in a battle and are struck by those who are on your team and in turn trust the most.  It's a sad testimony when you have to endure battles with an enemy, while also having to watch your back for those we deem as our friends.

In the same vein, we can be our own worst enemy in regards to being very hard on ourselves.  I personally am the first to declare war within myself, therefore my inner-me is truly forced to be my enemy.  I have truly had to to learn how to prevent myself from committing emotional suicide.  There are ways we can assess the things we can become better at without damning ourselves because of a decision we've made, or an emotion we are experiencing in that present moment.

Take the time to speak life into yourself and keep the narrative of YOU positive.  There are already enough shots being fired in your direction, why add more?  Our words are powerful and have the consequence of life or death attached to them.  Even if you don't feel like you're worth anything, tell yourself that you're an amazing man/woman.  When you are weak, say to yourself "I am strong." If the way your checking account is set up include a balance that shows "$1.24" start declaring that you are rich and debt free.  Some may deem it a false sense of security...I argue it's a faith-filled assessment of what is to be.  

You will come out...You will be set free, no matter what the odds are or what the naysayers say.  Don't let yourself be counted amongst the naysayers

The Illusion Named Impossibility

Illusion - something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality; an instance of being deceived

Impossible - unable to be, exist, happen, performed, effected, etc.; incapable of being true, as a rumor.

We are all taking part in a cyclical phenomenon that we know as LIFE.  As pointed out in a previous blog entry, there are several seasons that we have to endure.  I am one who used to always encourage those around me to fight through their various storms and not give up because they will come out on top (and a whole lot of other motivational anecdotes as well).  It's easy to make statements like that when things are seemingly going great in your life. Yet, there's something about being on the other end of the lecturer's podium, when one must endure those seasons for themselves.

LIFE has a way of presenting us scenarios where we feel like we are in a desert-place. A desert is depicted as a place of no hope, no help and limited/no resources.  There's seemingly no chance of survival.  There is the venue where depression and hopelessness are called in like they're hotel managers to ensure that our stay is "comfortable." I used that term mostly because it's very convenient to stay in a certain state, but it takes pure willpower to fight one's way out.

Throughout the deserted experience, we have to face the various tricks that our minds play on us due to a lack of it being nourished.  We are presented certain illusions of being in a better state, which are otherwise known as a mirage.  A mirage doesn't have any power, substance or reality, that is unless your mind to convince you that it does.

The intricacies of the human mind are so vast and complex to where we do not realize how much power we possess. We are truly governed merely by what we choose to think and believe.  The awesome thing about our  mind is that it represents 3% of our body's weight, yet it uses 20% of its energy.  There's no bodily activity that can take place without first having express authorization from our mind.

What I'm trying to say is it's time to change the way we think and stop placing unnecessary limits on ourselves.  It's easy and convenient to say things such as, "Nobody will ever love me...", "My dreams will never come true...", "I have a desire to go back to school but it's impossible...", "I have a dream to start my own business but nobody will ever support it..." In response to all of those, I say eliminate the thought that anything is impossible for you.

We are only as strong as the limits we place on our lives.  If you have a dream, go full blast towards making it a reality. I think the penalty of possible "failure" is much less than the guilt of never trying.  If you just can't seem to get over the proverbial hump, keep fighting and don't give up.

A major part of obtaining the nourishment to get us through our desert place is finding the right company of people to associate ourselves with. Many times we tend to open up and be vulnerable around people who don't truly have our best interests at heart.  However, that's a subject matter for another day.

If it seems like I'm coming from a perspective of having it all going on, it's quite the opposite. I am currently in that desert place, but I refuse to succumb to any mirage that is designed to make me give up.  You can make it. You are a survivor.  You have already surpassed conqueror status...Keep going, because the greatest trials are nothing but a prelude to a phenomenal comeback!  As I encourage you, these words are being applied in my life as well...

Stay encouraged...

Prisoner of the Moment

Those who know me the best are aware of my insatiable desire for sports.  My attention can be arrested when it comes to virtually anything that involves competition. In the great state of OHIO, we are in great anticipation for tonight's National Championship game between our beloved (The) Ohio State Buckeyes and the University of Oregon's Ducks. 

I'm one who loves commentary and various insights into the hidden keys of the game and I enjoy various analysis.  One TV/Podcast show that I have followed in depth is named "ESPN's First Take" featuring Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith and the absolutely stunning Cari Champion. This brings me to the source of today's subject matter...

Skip Bayless years back introduced a term to many of us which is entitled "Prisoner of the Moment." Here's the exact definition of the term:

Prisoner of the Moment: the state where an opinion is based on things that are happening right now without any real regard for what happened before or what may happen after.

The way Mr. Bayless invoked the term dealt with the propensity for a sports fan to be caught up in either the nostalgia of a great victory, or the agony of defeat, while neglecting to view the big picture surrounding the totality of the events.  For instance, whether my Buckeyes win or lose tonight, the narrative will still remain that this is a young team that overachieved and overcame so many obstacles to get to the place they dreamed of. Many people said it was impossible for them to be at this point, but now their opinions have been humbled.

Please don't allow your appetite for success to be based solely upon "proving the haters wrong." The days are over where we live our lives from the lenses of others' perception(s) of us.  While you are up all night worrying about your next move, they are in the bed snoring with slobber coming from their mouths (bad visual, I get it lol).

Don't become a prisoner of the moment, no matter what your present circumstance is. If you are going through a storm, just know that you will be able to pull yourself out with constant faith and determination.  If things are going completely right and nothing can possibly go wrong right now, don't become prisoner of that success either.  Here's a powerful quote from Pastor Keith Troy's (New Salem Baptist Church - Columbus, Ohio)  message yesterday entitled "Delay By Design."

"Success if misused can turn into a drug that causes 

us to get complacent and content, resulting in us just settling"

All in all, whatever you may be going through, whether it's the peak of the mountain or the lowest point of the valley, never lose sight of the big picture.  Your dreams and goals can still come true.  The doors to the prison door are already unlocked, yet why must we refuse to exit.  It's very convenient to remain in the state we are.  Depression and dejection are nothing short of false senses of security, as are arrogance and complacency.  I believe in the power within you to break out and break forth towards making all your goals and aspirations a reality.  Break free today or continue to be bound...the choice is yours!