A Breathing Epitaph

Epitaph:

1. a brief poem or other writing in praise of a deceased person.  

2. a commemorative inscription on a tomb or mortuary monument about a person buried at that sight.

Over the course of the past few days, I have really been more to myself and thinking about this roller coaster ride we have identified as "LIFE."  I am a few days away from turning 32 years old (2/12/1983) and this has really been a season of introspection for me.  It's safe to say I experienced possibly the worst year of my entire existence. I have been fighting steadily being disappointed in various areas, along with still trying to catch the wave of momentum that's really going to carry me through to the next level.  I find myself wondering why I am still alive and why the good Lord above has not wiped me off the map yet.  I also realize how fragile life is and how we can never take our next breath for granted.

In my hometown of Youngstown, Ohio, we have become so desensitized when it comes to death, mainly because it's been so prevalent and frequent amongst us.  I can personally admit I used to only watch the news to see if anyone got killed that particular day.  It is my understanding that we even lost yet another young black man to gun violence this past weekend. 

I've been reflecting on how this past weekend, approximately 4 years ago, I lost a good friend of mine to unnecessary gun violence.  The young man was on course to graduate from college and was the furthest thing from what people identify as a "thug."  I had just spoken to him the day prior, as he was volunteering mentoring young men at the school I worked at.  I remember the huge smile on his face when I gave him dap and told him "Bro I'm just trying to be like you when I grow up!" I had no idea that it would be the last time I would ever speak to him, as he got brutally murdered at an off-campus party for basically doing his best to be a peacemaker.

I also reflected on my own life and the people who have made the most powerful and positive impact throughout my existence.  I have found myself wondering what my deceased grandfather would truly think about me right now if he were still with us.  I sometimes feel like a disappointment due to all the gifts and unfilled potential within me.  However, at the same time, I know that I still have a long life in front of me and a legacy that I still have time to leave on this earth.  So this just brings me to a critical question we all seemingly ask ourselves...

Have you ever just sat down and thought to yourself "Why am I even here?"  Do you know what your life's true purpose?  Are you truly living, or are you just merely a breathing organism taking up space and oxygen?  When you die, what will your legacy be?  Will you even have one?

Some may call it weird, but there are days where I find myself reading the various obituaries that are posted on the local newspaper's website.  Most of the time, these are people I have never met or nonetheless even heard of, but I'm always anxious to see what mark they left here on the earth.  There are some listings that take up an entire column, while there are others who may be a short paragraph.

What I have grown to learn is the fact that we are daily, if not hourly placing a pen to our life's story and biography.  I personally refuse for my life to be summarized in just two sentences.  Am I truly being effective in this life I have been gifted?  Are lives being positively impacted from them coming in contact with me?

It has been commonly said that the various graveyards/cemeteries are amongst the richest soil on the earth.  Not so much because of their property value, but because so many people have died with their gifts still within them.  I know for a fact that whenever my time comes to leave this earth, I want to die empty.  I want to be assured that I have given absolutely everything I have.  One of my friends terms it as "leaving a dent in the earth." 

Too many care about how other people feel about them, but the question should actually be what does your life say about you?  You may not know this, but there are people who are reading your Epitaph everyday.  My grandfather used to always say that "your actions are speaking so loud, I cannot hear a word that you're saying." 

As unfair as it may seem, you may be the one who they are leaning on for a source of light and hope.  By you not giving up, you just may be saving someone from succumbing to suicidal thoughts.  By getting yourself back up after being knocked down, you may be giving hope to someone who find themselves in a similar fight.  You walking with your chest out and head held high (even when you feel like you just swallowed a hand grenade that has gone off within you)  just may give someone the assurance that they can make it to.

Let us all be more mindful of the message our individual lives are sending.  With the right mindset, we will never take life for granted again.  It's truly the most precious gift that we are only privy to one time...